Child or Slave

Although I grew up loving God, I always felt like I couldn’t do enough for him and that I didn’t deserve his love. I don’t know exactly why, but I struggled to receive God’s love for me. For many years, God has been teaching me how to be his daughter and that I don’t have to fear, live like a slave.

What does it mean to be a child not a slave. I feel quit timid and not very brave. Can I enter the court of my glorious king? Do I have anything to offer, anything to bring? I’m taught to just come as I am. I want to just run into his hands. But will he be mad, upset with me? I could have done more for my wondrous king. He gave his life to set me free. Yet I sin and don’t simply rest in his wings. I feel like a failure, I don’t understand. I’m afraid God will speak to me and reprimand. I so desire love and to understand what that means. But God sometimes I wonder if that’s only a dream. What does love look like even today. Will you redeem that word for me some day? Love seems to be something that flickers inside my heart. I love other people, but often it seems life is dark. I don’t want to associate with sin’s hideous mark. But how do I love myself like you love me? Do others love me though I seem to mess up constantly? I said too much, I didn’t say enough. I don’t want to hurt others, I don’t want to be rough. God I’m still learning how to speak. I want to stay disciplined and always seek. Lord I ask you trembling feeling dumb. But I want to know so I humbly come. Will you teach me the joys of being a daughter? Will you hold me close and be there for me Father? Are you proud of me, is that wrong for me to ask? I just want to do my best for you in every task. I know I’m not perfect, but will you help me to see, that you love me Father, you really love me!

 

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