I recently started my first job as a speech language pathologist. The job came up quickly, I was hired quickly and started almost immediately. I’m going through a myriad of emotions and find myself adjusting to many new changes. I’ve struggled with anxiety during this time. I’ve been discouraged and overwhelmed. But in the midst of what seems like chaos, I know I am learning and growing. I make a conscious decision daily, often multiple times daily, to learn from my mistakes and keep going. I want to be a light to the students on my caseload and my colleagues. Changes are hard, but I have hope. Thank you Lord for giving me hope. We all need hope to help keep us going! I encourage you to embrace the change and transition. Give yourself grace as you learn. My prayer for everyone who reads this post is that peace would rest on you and that you would have an overwhelming sense of love. That grace would abound and hope would prevail.
This poem was written when God was speaking to me about being a child, a daughter. This painting was done by a friend during worship. As I looked at it, God downloaded the poem that follows the picture.A girl dancing joyful and free. She’s joyful because she knows her identity. Her Father loves her, says dance with me. Delighted she says, anything for thee! As she dances she praises and sings. Her feet move to his melody. Her eyes open she finally sees. The world from her Father’s view. She sees herself loved and renewed. She says Father I want to always see, from heaven’s perspective will you do that for me?. The Father says child thanks for asking me. From this day forward you will always see. Now go release what I’ve given to you. Go help others see my view. Then come back and dance for me. I love seeing you happy and free!
Although I grew up loving God, I always felt like I couldn’t do enough for him and that I didn’t deserve his love. I don’t know exactly why, but I struggled to receive God’s love for me. For many years, God has been teaching me how to be his daughter and that I don’t have to fear, live like a slave.
What does it mean to be a child not a slave. I feel quit timid and not very brave. Can I enter the court of my glorious king? Do I have anything to offer, anything to bring? I’m taught to just come as I am. I want to just run into his hands. But will he be mad, upset with me? I could have done more for my wondrous king. He gave his life to set me free. Yet I sin and don’t simply rest in his wings. I feel like a failure, I don’t understand. I’m afraid God will speak to me and reprimand. I so desire love and to understand what that means. But God sometimes I wonder if that’s only a dream. What does love look like even today. Will you redeem that word for me some day? Love seems to be something that flickers inside my heart. I love other people, but often it seems life is dark. I don’t want to associate with sin’s hideous mark. But how do I love myself like you love me? Do others love me though I seem to mess up constantly? I said too much, I didn’t say enough. I don’t want to hurt others, I don’t want to be rough. God I’m still learning how to speak. I want to stay disciplined and always seek. Lord I ask you trembling feeling dumb. But I want to know so I humbly come. Will you teach me the joys of being a daughter? Will you hold me close and be there for me Father? Are you proud of me, is that wrong for me to ask? I just want to do my best for you in every task. I know I’m not perfect, but will you help me to see, that you love me Father, you really love me!
There are some days that I find that I am scared. Sometimes I wonder if God really hears my prayers. I’m thankful that in my hurt and pain, that God calls me beloved, he calls me by my name. He tells me that I don’t have to live in shame. God I want to keep growing and becoming more like you. I don’t want to look at life as something I just have to get through. I want to love and show others what it means to be kind. No matter what happens, I want to be a light that shines. God help me, be with me today. It’s you oh Lord that I want to obey. I love you Lord, I know you really care. Thank you for hearing all my prayers!
What do you do when a loved one dies? What about when cancer strikes someone you love? What do you do when you lose a job or don’t have the money to pay the bills? These are questions that often coincide with doubt and fear, anger and bitterness. These questions strike our emotions at the core. It makes us question why we are here and what are purpose is. How are we supposed to keep going when things look so bleak?.
I’ve watched friends die of cancer. I’ve watched others recover. I’ve watched people lose jobs and watched others succeed. I’ve also watched countless people overcome tragedies and addictions and become stronger on the other end. When I am struggling with doubt, fear, anger and bitterness I find myself turning to the Bible.
The Bible is filled with countless times of how God provided in the midst of trials. He didn’t always come through the way people expected and often it was not on their time. People could point to countless stories asking why did God let that happen. I can’t answer those questions, but I can say that when I read the Bible I see his provision from start to finish.
God can use anything even tragedy to touch this world in a positive way. There are many stories I could reference, but for now I will reference Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his brothers and put into prison in a foreign land. Years later God used him to save a region and his family. God used what the enemy meant for evil for good. If you asked Joseph today I’m sure he would say for years he suffered great anguish and loss, but at the end of his life he would say it was worth it. There are others in mentioned in Hebrews 11 that were not worthy of this earth.
People have suffered horrendous, imaginable tragedy and death. I’m sorry for the pain you have experienced. My prayer is that you turn to God for comfort and ask him to help you through your pain. He will meet you where you are at. I can’t say he will show up in the way you want him to or speak the words you want to hear, but he will not leave you.
God loved the world and sent his Son, Jesus to the earth as a man. He was perfect and died and paid the debt of all the wrongs (sin) mankind did and would do. He rose from the dead on the third day. Though Jesus is not here on earth today, the Holy Spirit is available to all who believe. If you believe the statements I wrote above, ask the Holy Spirit to come into your life. He will guide you throughout life. He is your direct connection to God. You can actually talk to God, he likes it. He wants to have a relationship with you.
The band Love and the Outcome have a song called “He is With Us” that has helped me when I can’t “feel” God and it seems he is a million miles away. In Proverbs 3:5-6 it says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”