Grieving

Grieving is painful and hard! As I was able to process a little tonight, I decided to share what the Lord gave me. He gave me a poem and he gave me assurance: “It’s going to be ok.”

Grieving is hard and full of pain. Sometimes you can’t feel anything. Tears stream down your face and stain. Your heart is broken, the pain it stings. You can’t put your emotions into words. Your thoughts seem to be all over the place. You wonder what direction you’re moving towards. Then in the midst of chaos you find grace. The Lord touches you and gives you space. Space to process and space to grieve. Space to be held and cry with thee. He holds you tight a loving embrace. He looks at you with a smile on his face. Tragedy struck and trauma came. Along cake guilt, pain and shame. But child remember I love you the same. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. I am with in in joy and sorrow. Trust me, you are going to be ok. Though the storm is heavy and the sky is grey. Receive my love, each and every day. You don’t have to strive or try to prove. You just have to rest and simply be you. Let love overflow and heal your soul. Especially when you feel like life’s taking a toll. I suffered great losses this past week. But my God journeys with me through the hills and the peaks. I’m not alone and I’m not afraid. God is my refuge every day! He will help me through the journey of today!

Praying for you as you go through life and process hard things!

Brazil and America Unite

Tonight just outside of Chicago, brothers and sisters from the USA and Brazil worshipped together. Spanish, English and Portuguese praises went up to heaven at the same time from the same location. We stood together with the common denominator of LOVE. Jesus loves us and calls us to love each other. Appearances don’t matter to Jesus. He loves the rich and the poor, the young and the old. I went to Brazil in December 2015 and now they have come to Greater Chicago Church in January 2018. It was such and honor and a blessing! Remember to be lovers of Christ and to go where God calls you to go. To stand with your brothers and sisters around the world. I pray that people from around the world would discover their voice and their place. I pray that orphans would become sons and daughters of the king. Lord open doors for cultures and languages to to come together! My heart is to see unity in nations with the uniting factor being salvation! Singing praises to our Father day and night. That the church would be known for being a light!

5 years

5 years ago I had brain surgery. I could have died multiple times. I had cerebral spinal fluid leaks. I had an infection in my brain. It has been a hard journey. Daily I deal with pain. But God is greater than all my aches and pain. God has brought me through so much and will help me through today and tomorrow. I’m writing this post to remind others and myself that God will never leave you, even in the hardest times. I have felt bruised, broken, alone and misunderstood. I’ve been overwhelmed and stressed with work and dealing with physical and emotional pain. Yet in the midst of the trials, God whispers to me and says you can do it. Keep going my child. I love you. I’m proud of you. God is cheering you on. No matter how far you run, no matter how bad it gets, God’s always encouraging you to keep moving forward, to grow and change. I’ve learned more than I can express in 5 years. I look forward to what the next 5 have in store.

Seasons

Depending on where you live you may have experienced all 4 season in the natural: spring, summer, fall and winter. But whether you have experienced these climates in the natural, we all have experienced them emotionally!

I’ve played sports and been cruising along reaping benefits from hours of hard work like in the fall season. Then all of a sudden I experienced an injury and suddenly found myself in winter. Winter seemed to last a long time when surgeries were required or I had to rehab for months. But as I healed I found myself in spring, feeling hope again and looking forward to life back in full swing. This is one example of how I’ve related to seasons emotionally and physically.

There are so many different things I could relate back to seasons: family, jobs, education, etc… What I want to focus on for the remainder of this post is reminding you that you can learn a lesson in every season. I’m not saying you will or have to enjoy every season. However, difficult times do bring perspective and when you are on the other side you can look back and see how you grew. Finding things to be thankful for has helped me through some of the hardest times. Choosing to celebrate small victories helped me. To this day, I try to set small goals each day to help me move towards larger ones.

No matter what season you are in I want you to know you are loved for who you are and that you can make a difference. I hate pain, but I love being on the other side and cheering people on as they conquer their own battles. Don’t give up! You can face another day!

Keep Going!

Life is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel I’m going to drown. Something inside of me says just keep going. Though it is hard, you are growing. I know what it’s like to be plagued by pain. I know what it’s like to hope for a sunny day. We all are faced with difficult news, how we react and deal with it, we choose. It’s ok that sometimes you are sad. I want to empower you and remind you, you can. You can get back up and face your fears. You can cry and let out tears. Remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Remember it takes time to train and run. Life is a marathon not a sprint. There will be times of pain when all you do is wince. But there are times where you will grin, and when through the trial, celebrate the win. Don’t give up, fight till the end. Keep going, you can do it my friend.

Transition

In a time of transition so much is changing and there is a lot of logistics and emotions to process. As I work through my own transitional season, I found myself writing this poem. When I read it, it encourages me and gives me hope. I pray it does the same for you.

Lord thank you for loving me where I am. Thank you for being both the lion and the lamb. God you chose to love me before the beginning of time. You speak to me daily and tell me, “You are mine.” Life has been hard and I struggle to understand, why it’s hard to keep going, why it’s hard to stand. 

Life isn’t always easy to talk about. It’s full of pain and often what accompanies is doubt. Why did this happen God; life isn’t fair. The pain is deep inside of me; do people even care? I know that only you can heal the wounds that are so deep. I know that you are with me, when all I can do is weep. 

When I say yes to God I have peace amidst the noise. Following God isn’t always an easy choice. Logically my brain wants to follow the normal path. But I realized following God doesn’t always follow math.” Lord it’s hard to walk by faith when you’re misunderstood. When in my mind I contemplate the would, the could, the should. 

The only way I know how to face my fear. Is to trust God, for I know his voice I hear. People went before me who were mocked and ridiculed. Unfortunately, people can sometimes be cruel. I don’t know how to explain, but his peace it gives me fuel. God is alive and miracles don’t follow human rules. 

I don’t know how to explain what I’m going through right now. I don’t have all the answers; I don’t know how. But I pray for courage and opportunities to arise. I know God knows my pain and that he has heard my cries. 

I pray for courage to walk by faith and not by sight. I know the Holy Spirit will guide me, be my comfort day and night. When I am discouraged I remember all that God has done, and that he loved us all so very much that he sent his only Son. I know God will help me when I make mistakes. Following God’s voice is a risk I choose to take. 

God is my hope; he will not leave, even when I feel alone. My hope is built on Christ the rock; he is my cornerstone.

Hope Through Pain

What do you do when you are in pain? Do you ever feel like your going insane? For so long I fought to try and hide the pain buried deep inside. I know what it feels like to be depressed, but I also know what it’s like to be blessed. I know what it’s like to be physically hurt, but I also know the pain from words that were curt. I’ve been dealing with pain for so long, that sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. I feel like people care but don’t really understand the pain that I’m in and the struggle it is stand. God you parted water for the Israelites to walk on land. You are the Rock on which I stand. The firm foundation under my feet, you’re the reason I didn’t surrender to Satan in defeat. Help me oh God when I am distraught, you’ve been by my side many battles you’ve fought. Thank you for the poems that you’ve given me, they build my faith when I can’t see. You are my hope, you set people free. Draw near to the wounded heal our identity. Deliver us from the grips of the enemy. To you oh Lord praises I sing, for I know that you love me; you’re a good, good king! God you’re a good, good Father and you love me every day. I remind myself daily that hear me when I pray. I don’t understand why I’ve gone through many trials and why the pain of life just seems to compile, but I know that you care that you cried countless times, when I struggled and I asked why oh why?! Thank you for always hearing me when I pray, you hear me every minute, every hour, every day. I pray that your peace would settle in this place and that I would feel your love and comfort, while you pour out your grace. I need you every minute, every hour, every day. You are with me when the sky is bright and also when it’s grey.