Beliefs

Change brings about uncertainty but also possibility. Don’t allow fear to hold you back from success. Whether you have been doing something for 20+ years or for a week, you have a choice to make. What do you believe about yourself, your circumstances, your present and your future? What have you learned from your past? Difficult situations present themselves at the most unopportune time. Don’t let your emotions determine the outcome of your day, week, month or year. Ask the Lord for wisdom, the ability to apply knowledge, to your circumstances. What we think on is what we believe. I’m working on thinking on truth presented in the Word of God. Scripture says in Colossians 3 to think on things above and not below. When I focus on my circumstances, I can easily become discouraged. I want to live my life from a place of victory no matter what happens. Some days I’m better at this than others, but I’m working on reminding myself of truth and asking the Lord to helps me believe it. I believe that God wants you and I to live from a place of victory, intimacy and rest. I’m guilty of striving to change. I think change can happen in an instance but often takes place over time. It is hard to wait to see the results time cultivates. Lord show us how to think on truth and not be deterred by circumstances! Help us create strong neuropathways that allow us to function at our best. Let our roots in truth go deep so we are strong and steady when winds gust and seasons of disappointment and discouragement try to tear us down. I trust you Lord. Meet every person who reads this in their situations and encourage them with truth!

Seasons

Depending on where you live you may have experienced all 4 season in the natural: spring, summer, fall and winter. But whether you have experienced these climates in the natural, we all have experienced them emotionally!

I’ve played sports and been cruising along reaping benefits from hours of hard work like in the fall season. Then all of a sudden I experienced an injury and suddenly found myself in winter. Winter seemed to last a long time when surgeries were required or I had to rehab for months. But as I healed I found myself in spring, feeling hope again and looking forward to life back in full swing. This is one example of how I’ve related to seasons emotionally and physically.

There are so many different things I could relate back to seasons: family, jobs, education, etc… What I want to focus on for the remainder of this post is reminding you that you can learn a lesson in every season. I’m not saying you will or have to enjoy every season. However, difficult times do bring perspective and when you are on the other side you can look back and see how you grew. Finding things to be thankful for has helped me through some of the hardest times. Choosing to celebrate small victories helped me. To this day, I try to set small goals each day to help me move towards larger ones.

No matter what season you are in I want you to know you are loved for who you are and that you can make a difference. I hate pain, but I love being on the other side and cheering people on as they conquer their own battles. Don’t give up! You can face another day!

Keep Going!

Life is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel I’m going to drown. Something inside of me says just keep going. Though it is hard, you are growing. I know what it’s like to be plagued by pain. I know what it’s like to hope for a sunny day. We all are faced with difficult news, how we react and deal with it, we choose. It’s ok that sometimes you are sad. I want to empower you and remind you, you can. You can get back up and face your fears. You can cry and let out tears. Remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Remember it takes time to train and run. Life is a marathon not a sprint. There will be times of pain when all you do is wince. But there are times where you will grin, and when through the trial, celebrate the win. Don’t give up, fight till the end. Keep going, you can do it my friend.

Transition

In a time of transition so much is changing and there is a lot of logistics and emotions to process. As I work through my own transitional season, I found myself writing this poem. When I read it, it encourages me and gives me hope. I pray it does the same for you.

Lord thank you for loving me where I am. Thank you for being both the lion and the lamb. God you chose to love me before the beginning of time. You speak to me daily and tell me, “You are mine.” Life has been hard and I struggle to understand, why it’s hard to keep going, why it’s hard to stand. 

Life isn’t always easy to talk about. It’s full of pain and often what accompanies is doubt. Why did this happen God; life isn’t fair. The pain is deep inside of me; do people even care? I know that only you can heal the wounds that are so deep. I know that you are with me, when all I can do is weep. 

When I say yes to God I have peace amidst the noise. Following God isn’t always an easy choice. Logically my brain wants to follow the normal path. But I realized following God doesn’t always follow math.” Lord it’s hard to walk by faith when you’re misunderstood. When in my mind I contemplate the would, the could, the should. 

The only way I know how to face my fear. Is to trust God, for I know his voice I hear. People went before me who were mocked and ridiculed. Unfortunately, people can sometimes be cruel. I don’t know how to explain, but his peace it gives me fuel. God is alive and miracles don’t follow human rules. 

I don’t know how to explain what I’m going through right now. I don’t have all the answers; I don’t know how. But I pray for courage and opportunities to arise. I know God knows my pain and that he has heard my cries. 

I pray for courage to walk by faith and not by sight. I know the Holy Spirit will guide me, be my comfort day and night. When I am discouraged I remember all that God has done, and that he loved us all so very much that he sent his only Son. I know God will help me when I make mistakes. Following God’s voice is a risk I choose to take. 

God is my hope; he will not leave, even when I feel alone. My hope is built on Christ the rock; he is my cornerstone.

Hope Through Pain

What do you do when you are in pain? Do you ever feel like your going insane? For so long I fought to try and hide the pain buried deep inside. I know what it feels like to be depressed, but I also know what it’s like to be blessed. I know what it’s like to be physically hurt, but I also know the pain from words that were curt. I’ve been dealing with pain for so long, that sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. I feel like people care but don’t really understand the pain that I’m in and the struggle it is stand. God you parted water for the Israelites to walk on land. You are the Rock on which I stand. The firm foundation under my feet, you’re the reason I didn’t surrender to Satan in defeat. Help me oh God when I am distraught, you’ve been by my side many battles you’ve fought. Thank you for the poems that you’ve given me, they build my faith when I can’t see. You are my hope, you set people free. Draw near to the wounded heal our identity. Deliver us from the grips of the enemy. To you oh Lord praises I sing, for I know that you love me; you’re a good, good king! God you’re a good, good Father and you love me every day. I remind myself daily that hear me when I pray. I don’t understand why I’ve gone through many trials and why the pain of life just seems to compile, but I know that you care that you cried countless times, when I struggled and I asked why oh why?! Thank you for always hearing me when I pray, you hear me every minute, every hour, every day. I pray that your peace would settle in this place and that I would feel your love and comfort, while you pour out your grace. I need you every minute, every hour, every day. You are with me when the sky is bright and also when it’s grey.

Hope after Heartbreak

Some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days for me. My faith in God has helped me through many times. I asked the Lord to help me through today and to give me strength to keep going. I was frustrated and had no idea why I was struggling so much. I decided to write and share how faith, hope and love have helped me through many heartbreaks. Below is part of my testimony in poetic form.

I grew up going to church each Sunday. Learning Bible stories and how to pray. Sports were something I loved to do. Then when I was eleven I had injuries too. I broke my leg playing soccer one day, and a week later I fell down the steps at church on Mother’s Day. With a broken arm and leg, I was in a wheel chair. Wherever I went people would stare. I was determined to come back and play. Then I had to have surgery because my leg healed the wrong way. Pins and screws sticking out and in a lot of pain, battling an infection I went back to school on my birthday. A year to the day after the terrorist attacks, an interesting day to be welcomed back. Wheeled into school everyone cheered, I remember trying to hold back tears. That was a very difficult year, I had to learn to walk again and face my fears.

I was able to return and play sports, running up and down fields and courts. When I got to high school I had to deal with more injuries, surgeries and how they made me feel. Physical pain was hard to get through, but the emotional pain caused great difficulty, too. Honestly, emotional pain has been harder for me, because it is something people can’t see.

My family didn’t have a lot financially, thank you to everyone who supported me. My sophomore year of high school I had to have surgery on my wrist, where a plate and 7 screws to this day are fixed. Later that summer I tore my ACL, when I collided with the catcher going after a foul ball. I wasn’t able to play sports my junior year, I struggled with my identity and stuffed my fears. I dealt with abuse but not in the best way, I didn’t know what to do but pray.

I was able to play softball in college for a year, but herniated a disc in my back and was paralyzed by fear. I couldn’t move my foot and had to have surgery, I didn’t know if I would be able to walk properly. I wore a brace that held my foot in place, I’ve had many nights of nerve pain but got through them by God’s grace.

My sophomore year of college I had an infection in my knee, from the screws that were placed there from my ACL surgery. I was on IV antibiotics but was still able to go to school, this was a difficult time for me too. I switched majors and was trying find my identity, I was struggling so much emotionally. Though I knew many people I was empty inside, I never heard an answer when I asked God why.

I suffered with depression, I wanted help. I didn’t know how to help myself. The Lord blessed me with an intelligent mind, but sometimes I felt like I was going through life blind. Why couldn’t I get rid of these lies in my head? I would hear that I would be better off dead. My faith has been what’s got me through many trials. I’m thankful that God loves me as a child. He doesn’t condemn or put me to shame. He knows everything about me; he knows my name.

I graduated college in 2012, and entered again the upcoming fall. In December 2012 I had  brain surgery. This was the hardest season for me. Multiple times I had cerebral spinal fluid leaks. I fought infections and was in pain continuously. I ended up having 4 surgeries and spending 39 days in a hospital in Chicago where all I could do was lay. I tried to stay positive but it wasn’t easy to do. I’m thankful for friends and family that helped me through.

My mom sacrificed much and drove me to class, I had no idea how long this would last. I couldn’t walk on my own, it was so hard. Often I wondered why I was dealt these cards. But I wouldn’t give up, I chose to persevere. It’s a miracle I’m alive, that I’m still here. Other things happened but I’ll only mention one more. I had a car accident that left me very sore. My car rolled going 70 miles per hour on the highway, I can’t believe I was released to go home the same day. I deal with pain and daily headaches, but God’s love brought me hope through all the heartbreaks.

I hope this snippet of my testimony, brings hope to someone who feels lonely. Honestly, I’m still learning how to deal, with my emotions, pain and how I feel. I know that God is healing my heart. He’s been with me through it all from the very start.

God Bless!

Laura